HOW TO SHORT CIRCUIT COPPERS
And other useful spells
By Sonny Winters
A guide to manipulating the emotional-magickal undercurrent at demonstrations and situations that involve contact with the Police.
All too often, police overwhelm protesters in a blur of carefully choreographed, spirit-squishing, intimidation. Their best weapon in such a situation is their sameness; it's impossible to argue with a homogenous mass of weapon-bearing foot-soldiers and they know it. If we are going to have any sort of resistance to this homogeneity, it is going to be in our profound difference and our ability to create new and peaceful ways to resist and disagree.
Ultimately, magick is about achieving the extraordinary and nothing more. The spells that follow are attempts at finding a way out of the inevitable CRUNCH of two worlds colliding. Hopefully, the spells will provide a peaceful and creative focus for a few of you and effect subtle but meaningful changes throughout the protest.
- a quick set of legs are your best ally
- DON'T be intimidated - they're just like you and me
The police, contrary to popular belief, are actually Human Beings. Let's take this as our starting point, as it's just as good as any other. When dealing with the police, the no#1 thing to avoid is being sucked into a relationship that is damaging to your purposes as a peaceful demonstrator. The objective of the police force (but not necessarily particular police officers) will be to break the spirit of the crowd as a whole and therefore undermine any potentially subversive and/or unusual behaviour among the citizenry. Any suggestion that the police exist as a force of justice is unrealistic in practice; in protest situations they reveal themselves as the force of order that they are. However, the more we avoid being dualistic, mindlessly abusive and confrontational, the less excuse they have for flipping into the
LAWGIVER > < REBEL
Paradigm. When you enter this dialogue, the only answer you'll get is 'Because I said so' or possibly just 'No'. How you avoid this and what you replace it with are up to you. Perhaps aforementioned copper has interests outside of bashing people's skulls (it's not unheard of) Perhaps you have something in common; something in your respective pasts, something about your appearance, who knows? You could try and establish one of these paradigms:
TIRED PERSON > < TIRED PERSON
IDEALIST > < IDEALIST
CARING PERSON > < CARING PERSON
PEACEKEEPER > < PEACEKEEPER
Don't be fooled by the uniforms because, ultimately, the police are not an impersonal force any more than you and your mates are. We are all potentially dangerous units when mob mentality takes over (that goes for everyone at the protest, coppers included). They are a collection of individuals and can therefore be drawn into a game between individuals. If you can do this effectively, you can take away their licence to be mindless, skull-bashing androids. Be sure not to let them get away with it;
"You're hurting her!!"
"Look at yourself!"
Everything written so far depends on whether you're attempting a dialogue with a copper that will reply/communicate at all. There are plenty who will give you the ol' 'Actually-I-am-an-impersonal-force-and-I-am-only-here-to-smack-you-if-you-get-out-of-line' BLANK STARE. Gawd Bless 'em. Remember; whatever happens, always be the calmest and most mature in any given situation.
PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
- PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
Staring really hard
Choose a Babylonian Foot-soldier of your choice and square straight up to him/her/it staring for a really long time. If the aforementioned policepersonage looks away, they know you're there (don't stop) and it will make them a beeeet uncomfortable. If they manage to return your gaze, maintain the stand-off but shift through progressively sillier facial expressions until the copper's head is finally forced to explode. This can be employed by a number of people at once toward a line of foot-soldiers. This ensures they collectively have nowhere to look for fear of meeting the gaze of one of the (hopefully) ridiculous looking stare-monsters
"Gotta get to work!!!!"
This is inspired by a piece of fantastic short-circuitry witnessed at London Mayday 2001. To employ this spell, ride up to a barricade of swine on a microscooter / spacehopper and, stream-of-consciousness-style, repeatedly say something along the lines of "Oh, come on, let me through, I gotta get to work! Gotta get to work, gotta get to work!! shop shop!! busy! busy! oh no! I'm gonna get fired, gotta get to work gotta get to work gotta get to work gotta get to woooooorrrkk!!!" ad nauseum.
Being really nice
This is pretty self-explanatory. Use your imagination to come up with new ways of being extremely nice to the foot-soldiers. Give them nice things. If they refuse to accept them, leave them by their feet in case they want them later. Write them songs telling them just how nice you think they are. Consistently thank them for their good work. Ask their names... 'oooh that's always been my favourite name, Officer Dave'
....etc ad short-circuituum
"What do you do, Dr. Leary, when someone keeps giving you negative energy?" Tim grinned that special grin of his that so annoys all his critics. "Come back with all the positive energy you have," he said.
From Cosmic Trigger (Volume I) By Robert Anton Wilson
Dress yourself as a patently absurd 'mock-copper' or 'anti-copper' (try to make it plainly ridiculous or else they have grounds for arrest) and spend the day refining copper-like phrases and actions. Try cultivating an air of self-importance and an unhealthy suspicion of the unusual.
To highlight blatantly ridiculous actions which a particular copper makes, Copy and exaggerate them in full view of the aforementioned copper and as many other people as are willing to watch. A typical exchange might run:
Copper: <talking into walkie talkie / headset> Subject is slim-build, caucasian male, approximately 6'1", dark hair, wearing possibly dangerous boots, yakkety shmakkety, blahblah etc and so on
You: <interrupting, talking into banana / pack of fags>
Yeah Sarge, potentially lethal anarchist here, wearing suspiciously brightly coloured clothes. Holding what appears to be a banana (possibly explosive), extremely dangerous looking shoes. Oh god ... ...hang on a minute, Sarge, they're all wearing shoes. Please advise; repeat: PLEASE ADVISE! Dangerous shoe-wearing anarchists all over the shop.
Here's a chance for all the poets and assorted word-magickers among you to flex your creative muscles. When things have hopefully chilled out a bit, start reading the coppers as many cobbled-together poems as you can find from as diverse a cross-section of the crowd as possible. This is similar in structure to the really nice spell but you don't have to say nice things if ya don't want. Maybe couched in poetry and music, we can barrage them with enough sincere emotion about 'the cause' (whatever that may be), ourselves and the whole pointless friction between 'us' and 'them' that we can trigger the genuine emotional dialogue that's so painfully missing from such situations. Actually, there really is no limit at all on what you can speak about, providing it isn't needlessly aggressive (fuck it actually, you do what you think is best but, for the record, the writers of this pamphlet have had better success with a respectful but firm resistance).
We all want a chance to get down 'n' shirty sometimes and here's your chance. Real off a long list of bad things that will be exacted upon the police by whatever Forces From Beyond you deem appropriate. A typical curse might run:
You: *clearing throat, adopting stance* a-HEM ...
May your truncheon fail you.
May your radio crackle and die.
May your boots ache and, aye! your head also.
One of those really annoying ones that throbs and THROBS at the side of your temples and is just, like, oooOOow.
May your eyeballs itch and your buttocks spasm.
May your sink be leaky and your bed be lumpy.
May you be forever plagued by dandruff and blackheads.
May your dental hygiene be generally poor.
May you live forever in the knowledge that you are a small brick in a very LARGE and UGLY wall which keeps Mankind from itself.
May all this come to pass as I have spoken.
By the Four Winds, may it come to pass.
By the Four Seasons, may it come to pass.
By the Four Tops, may it come to pass.
In the name of The Father, and of The Son, and of the Holy Water Pistol
Talking Utter Shite
...Good orifice, Eveningicifer. Do potatee he want Carumba le jumper WIGS! me there only time enough? Can wivlama do when only the much time dinglyweeeee?! me when only the more bah grooda was, early denk-denk-denk-denk-denk! enough, anyway. Don't we go, nengowell me a wwwhrenggyllalala-dada wifters then and now, glowing like badgers. But aren't they, even? Never be can good freedom likely, lunchtimes apart dangrestrelartso!! hairdo bitsy tinyman!!instafresh? nerfwifflaneffle thwaitsingly inclingtr ingoBINGOBANGO!my-old-man's-a-dustman-he-wears-octopus-skin-socks incramendo!beltingewingsKIPPLEbackwardsandforwr
Violence and dogma are the weapons of Babylon. If you use them, you should be prepared to become Babylon. The only thing we need to remember is that Babylon is not OUT THERE, it's IN HERE (ourselves), and in changing ourselves, we transcend the Dark Empires and begin again. There's always time for talking; negotiation is always a possibility; Dogma only breeds ignorance (not unity) and violence is the last recourse of the unimaginitive. Oh, and keep it funny: if we can't laugh, its not our revolution.